Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
