just come out here and I will go home with you...
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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