I wish life had little blips of pornography
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I love how my cats smell like pot.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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