You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
