Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
