Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
