Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
