hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
