I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
birth control should be required to get into college
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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