Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
