I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
