I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
