In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
