It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
