quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
