she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
