I don't think brook has ever known best
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
