the condom got lost in my hair
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
