The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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