I wish I could punch you in the face.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
It's shark week go big or go home
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