im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Pants are for mortals
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
