Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I CAN MOONWALK!
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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