You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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