epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
