this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Randomize
