My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
