I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
