im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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