I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I have feelings that need drinking.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
