there's paper in my vomit.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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