you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
