she looked like the before picture.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
