I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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