Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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