I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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