Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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