turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
