I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
