idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
