The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
