also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
