i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
