My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
