I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
