Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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