A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Congratulations! We have a period
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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