we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
