dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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