I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
