dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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