Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I had to cum in my sink.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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