I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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