i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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