normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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